Dear k... when you dropped the M word last night,one of the words that you let slip was Torschusspanik. And that probably is more revealing than you know.
Despite my stupid reaction there were things that came to mind that I wished to tell you, but hey... Rose Monday and two beers.... it wasn't gonna happen.
So...myunsolicitedadvice based on a lot of experience. Getting married just because everyone else is is not a good idea.
You should ask yourself the following: is my partner to be a real friend= That seems silly, but is far more important than most people realise. By friend, I mean is she someone who shares most of your interests, who has the same sense of humour, who would be there for you no matter what, and who can just enjoy being silent without feeling uncomfortable, or wondering what you are thinking. And would you feel the same way? T If the answer to all that is yes,I see a good chance of you becoming a very happy man.
Seual compatibility is actually a secondary factor in a relationship. It can grow and wane, and should never be the main reason to commit yourself for a lifetime if thatis all that is behind one's decision. It only sets you up for a world of hurt somewhere down the line.I have known many people who have arrangents that are unorthodox, but their friendship and mutual respect is what holds them together.
I sincerely wish you have found all that, because then you will have a rich life,and the obstacles that fate throws your way will be easier to overcome. I wish it from the bottom of my black little heart.
And by the way... thanks for prying this crustaceous old clam out if its' moorings yesterday and making him laugh as he hasn't in a long time. I hope to return the favor.
Dear Rene! Thanks for your advice. Must have been really impressive what I told you but: I'm not really in the situation of having "Toschusspanik" so far. But it's true - because of my age I begin to wonder why no woman so far has "tried it out with me" - ok, never asked. But actually these days I'm in the situation that I think I've met THE ONE I want to try. Unfortunately she does not want me. lol, as you aked me - what is logic about her thought? I don't know - did not find out so far, but maybe she'll tell me one day...
ReplyDeleteSo far I'm trying not the get the "Torschusspanik" :)
Just don#t panic. Someone is out therr. If its coming late, it will be worth more.
ReplyDeleteTOTALLY FUCKING O/T, *BUT*: Rene', what in the FUCK is going on in your life that you NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN?!?!?!?
ReplyDeleteIf you could blog & comment up 'til the end of February, then the eyeball damage that Raffles, whom I also love, adore & admire like all hell, like he's my lagniappe/bonus extra grandpa --- the eyeball damage can't be THAT fucking bad yet, IF YOU CAN STILL BLOG.
My heart is BROKEN, Rene. I thought that we were friends down to the BONE MARROW, I loved you like my gay husband/best-friend-roomie/what-have-you, but then you just DISAPPEAR OUTTA MY LIFE for MONTHS, and turns out, you've been blogging & typing letters/messages to everybody ELSE for all this time and just ignoring ME.
If your cataract and your burst blood vessels in your eyes (or, at least, that's what RAFFLES believes... did you lie to your daddy or tell him to lie to me FOR YOU??? Are you THAT hard-up to avoid me for ***some*** reasons that you haven't had the love/respect/friendship/***balls*** to tell me PERSON-TO-PERSON???)are SO BAD, why haven't you gone to a doctor/surgeon/HOSPITAL?!?!
I don't understand, Rene'. My heart is truly broken, because I believed that we'd be best friends until death did us part, and NO, not because I'm your FAG-HAG or FRUIT FLY, either. I don't need to LIE about who I am to make friends. The best friends that I've had in my life are the ones who accept me AS-IS, ***NOT*** as a "fixer-upper" or a "moral hobby" *or* because they think that they're somehow "better than me," and take me on as a fucking CHARITY PROJECT, whether they're actually wealthy or just social-climbing sexist recidivists, male or breed-happy female.
If you answered/read my e-mails, I'd never commit the SEVERELY-GROTESQUE felony of airing our dirty laundry out in public, here on YOUR BLOG, but since you apparently DISCARD all of my e-mails without even OPENING THEM, what choice did I have, to reach you, if you NEVER READ OR ANSWER MY E-MAILS???
(cont'd)
(Pt.2)
ReplyDeleteWhat happened, Rene'? Why have you decided to disappear from my life, while making me worry and freak the fuck out that you were, potentially, suddenly felled by some hellacious disease/infection/wound/car or bus or train wreck that utterly bollixed-up your ENTIRE LIFE???
If your BLOG READERS mean THAT MUCH MORE TO YOU than I ever have, I hope that you will all be very happy together. After all of these years, these newbie GAMERS suddenly pop into your world and BECOME your world and I was never even here.
If I'm sincerely mistaken about this shit, please let me know. But I don't think that I'm wrong here. Never before, in all of the years that we've been friends, have you EVER gone a WEEK, LET ALONE A MONTH, without letting me know why you were gone or where or how come. NEVER. But suddenly, at least four months ago, THAT PART OF OUR RELATIONSHIP JUST FUCKING ***DIED***. I wrote, I checked-in with Raffles as to your health and/or situation, I asked Raffles to write to you for me, to get ANY kind of doggie-bag-style leftover tidbits of your life. REAL friends don't treat their REAL FRIENDS like that, Rene'.
Why? Most of all, beyond the humiliation, beyond the pain, FAR beyond the loneliness, beyond so much as trying to fix whatever went wrong or whatever you perceived that I'd done TO YOU wrong, beyond all of that, I needed to know that YOU WERE OKAY. I hate when you get sick and disappear and assume that nobody is worried about you when you're hiding under the bed, but I've learned to live with it, because friendship doesn't mean CHANGING the people that you love to suit one's self, despite your many insults over th eyears to remind me that I'd NEVER be "good enough," just like that sexist/objectifier from U.N.O., Ben, who considered women a GENETIC FAILURE/MISTAKE, and an utterly LOWER SPECIES to "MANkind," except, of course, for the attention from his worshipful groupies in D.C. AND when he got home. He had hags from New Orleans to D.C. and back again, and when I never WAS one of them, I was "eeevillll" and should be eschewed ad infinitum. Is that the conclusion that you have reached for some reason, Rene'? If so, why? How? What the fuck???
I know that there are innumerable typos and fuckups in this comment, because I am MEGA-MEDICATED in preparation for the horrific MYELOGRAM that I have to endure in 9 hours. Ergo, while I am usually under the influence, tonight, I am DELIBERATELY FUCKKKKKKKEDDDD UP. After having endured this exact same torture not less than 7 or 8 MONTHS AGO, and the callous, utterly-incapable of empathy, sympathy, or concern for ANY patient, let alone ME (this ain't CHARITY, this is TULANE, and THEY'VE GOT WAY MORE THAN ENOUGH FUNDING, despite Piyush Jindal trying to make them keep teh po' ignant motherfuckers illiterate and easily-enslaved absolute TRAVESTY of a medical system!), THAT ASININE, ARROGANT, UTTERLY-SOULLESS LITTLE PECKERWOOD seemed to ENJOY that FOUR-HOUR TORTURE SESSION.
Hence, the radiologists HAVE BEEN WARNED THIS TIME, so if there are ANY "mistakes" or "boo-boos" with my pain meds for this procedure, you WILL see me on the national news. And, if you can't understand any of this endlessly-rambling/blathering comment post, gimme a coupla days to recover and then I'll parse it for you. Just keeping my fucking eyes open and my slack-jawed mouth shut at this point in the process is getting to be way beyond my ken, so I'll shut the fuck up now.
But if you can comment & blog on this post three weeks ago, YOU CAN DAMNED WELL ANSWER ME, Rene'.
I will always miss you, I have all along this dead-end road/path that you've chosen for our relationship, for the DEATH BY NEGLECT of our relationship, as apparently, that is what you desire to happen to our friendship. Just kindly have the simple human decency to tell me why, Rene'.
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