Unsolicited advice to qa young man contemplating marriage...

Dear k...  when you dropped the M word last night,one of the words that you let slip  was Torschusspanik.  And that probably is more revealing than you know.    

Despite my stupid reaction there were things that came to mind that I wished to tell you, but hey... Rose Monday and two beers....  it wasn't gonna happen.  

So...myunsolicitedadvice based on a lot of experience.  Getting married just because everyone else is is not a good idea.  

You should ask yourself the following:  is my partner to be a real friend=  That seems silly, but is far more important than most people realise.  By friend, I mean is she someone who shares most of your interests, who has the same sense of humour, who would be there for you no matter what, and who can just enjoy being silent without feeling uncomfortable, or wondering what you are thinking.  And would you feel the same way?  T If the answer to all that is yes,I see a good chance of you becoming a very happy man.

Seual compatibility is actually a secondary factor in a relationship.  It can grow and wane, and should never be the main reason to commit yourself for a lifetime if thatis all that is behind one's decision.  It only sets you up for a world of hurt somewhere down the line.I have known many people who have arrangents that are unorthodox, but their friendship and mutual respect is what holds them together.  

I sincerely wish you have found all that, because then you will have a rich life,and the obstacles that fate throws your way will be easier to overcome.  I wish it from the bottom of my black little heart.

And by the way...  thanks for prying this crustaceous old clam out if its' moorings yesterday and making him laugh as he hasn't in a long time.  I hope to return the favor.

Icy...

Haven't written much this past week...  too cold, was mostly staying warm.  When the temperature goes below 0 Celcius, my heating system can't handle it and it gets cold in my appartment.

So I tinkered with Crash, my pc, trying an impossible fix, and getting incensed when only minor improvements resulted from all the searches, and testing scans, and such like.  But two nights ago, there was a new vista update.  So after three weeks of banging my head on the keyboard, the new update seems to have corrected what was wrong...  which happened after the old update was installed.  Seems is the operative word here.

Unfortunately, I had removed my old version of the game I play, and wasn't able to re-install it for some odd reason, got the US version, and only get the entry mask...  and then it tells me it can't connect ot the authorisation server.  Go figure. And I'd had a priest up to level 36.  fuck, fuck, fuck.

I really missed that.  

I don't call 'em Microshit for nothing.

And this morning I read that windows 8 de-installs other programs on your pc at random. and is a mess.  

Typical.

With them, newer isn't necessarily better.

And caught up with the news, which was more or less upsetting and amazing.  Where the Rethugs are in charge, they are continuing busting unions and legislating against women's health, on the state level, while the ones on the national level are wringing their hands trying to figure out what they said that was wrong.  Wellllll...   if you dissed half the country, it might have been a problem, y'know?

While rummaging around I stumbled upon a wonderful cartoon which really sums up what the current republican party is about.  I smiled....  but it made me sad at the same time.  Those people are just heartless.

Sort of says it all, I guess.... Fits the horriday season.

Snow... and Rear Window

Snow....  belongs in the mountains, not in the city, thenk you...

Snow...  is disgusting....

Snow..   has been the bane of my existence, and I should have been smart enough to move somewhere where it never snows.

I just went out to the WC after still trying to find the error on this idjit ma-chine, and whaddaya know?  Outside the kitchen winder, huge, soggy disgusting flakes of snow were drifting down outside.

Where I grew up, three feet of that white shit falling at one time wasn't unusual.  Nor the deep freeze minus forty below zero afterward, and long underwear was the order of the day. 

Here, we mostly get a few inches, but it sets me off. 

We don't need God's dandruff.  He or She should shake it off elsewher.

What we're gonna HAVE for the next few days is.. mush.  slush, call it what you will.

And I friggin' hate it.  The view from my kitchen window is eerie.  It always reminds me of 'Rear Window', which I saw at too young an age and had to escape to the wc three times because it made me hyperventilate.   I recently saw it again on YouTube.  It's quite the masterpiece of suspense.  And one reason I never look out the window if I can help it.  I never wanna know.

Here is what I mean:

Fuck the snow..... 

Spring will come.. one of these days....
 

Today is World AIDS Day... 31 years... (sigh)

According to Wikipedia, the first cases were reported in 1981.  

It's scandalous that so little was acheived by science in all that time. And it was a frightening time at the beginning, and horrible in every way.  

Not to mention all the losses, some so painful that I am reluctant to even think about how devastating it's all been.  At one point I was engaged to the max, running into the local AIDS Hilfe office with the latest alternative news articles out of the US, passing on info, and the uncertainty and distress was---  indescribable.  And invested my feelings and everything I felt into a young man who was like a brother to me, and had become infected.  What began as a pen pal correspondence became very personal in a platonic way.  I felt he was the brother I should have had.  We even met twice, and he was just awesome, the sort of person you wanted to protect.  I 'accompanied' him all the way to his untimely death over twenty years ago, and came close to a nervous breakdown.  It broke my heart.

The local media pay lip service to the day every year, and lately, it's all been about heterosexuals being at risk.  Which they are, of course.  But they only use that as a tag line to discuss the fact that it's the gay and bisexual people who carry it into the 'normal' population.  

Well, have been around long enough to say that I really don't know what 'normal' is.  Some people, in fact a lot of people, are capable of falling in love or attracted to all sorts of other people, same sex, opposite sex, other races, creeds, it doesn't matter.  It's just a question of chemistry.  

So it bothers me that the 'journamalists' continue to use their little labels, and catergorising people into boxes that make it comfortable for them, but really aren't applicable to reality.  

I can't even count how many times I'd be out on a Saturday night in my salad days, and looking for Mr. Goodbar, and thinking I'd found 'HIM'...   only to go downtown on Sunday morning and seeing Mr. G. out on the main drag with wifie and kiddies in tow, and would get this sinking feeling and become very angry and feel used.  

Barstards never wore a wedding ring, of course..  And the world thought they were 'normal'.  I had another visit from a young man who came as a proxy visitor from my best friend, and was bisexual, and trying to decide who to marry, his gay partner, or his girlfriend, and it was like being on Mars, talking to him.  He was genuinely conflicted, and loved them both.  Shortl after his visit, he married his girlfriend, and a few weeks later, developed AIDS.  He died two weeks after the diagnosis.  It was, as one says, a shock to the system.

And it has never changed.  My last attempt at finding 'happiness' wasn't all that long ago.  And whaddaya know...  after a very nice two hours, I learned he was married, his wife had a drinking problem, he was unhappy in his marriage, he'd enjoyed his afternoon with me.  And wanted to continue seeing me.  

I was outraged.  And gently sent him to the place 'where the pepper grows', as we say.  He was nice and all, but wow, just wow.

I've since given up.  So much of the problem lies in hypocrisy.  But I've never been a player when it came to that.

Wow... Christmas cards as guilt trips. I always thought that was solely my mother's specialty

Today was one of 'those' days...  

It wasn't the weather, the sun broke through the ubiquitous fog fields by ten a.m... untypical for November....

It was when I checked the mailbox.  Peter has been in a home and this will be his third Christmas there.  I have never received a card from them, so imagine my surprise that the first and probably only one I will get was from them.

The text was all about thanking the relatives of the 'inmates' for their 'support', and how they spend all year doing their utmost to make everyone's loved ones comfortable.

With my name misspelled as greeting, and a scrawl at the end of it from 'the team'.  In pencil...   who does that, I ask you?  In-Fucking-credible.  

Because, you see, I was only able to make a visit this year once in March.  So much support.  Oh, I do call, and he never has much to say, because he doesn't remember from one moment to the next, but still...  

I just never have the money to make the round trip these days, yet felt incredibly guilty.  I also suppose it's a way to solicit donations to the place and staff during the 'giving' time of year.

Still...  I found it offensive.  Where was that card when I dragged myself down there weekly for over a year and a half, huh?

And yeah, it doesn't take much to ruin my day.  

Am still trying to fix my pc, and got another shocker.  Found a program which might...  just might... fix it at a price I could afford... and when I tried to buy it, the machine told me my credit card number 'wasn't real'.  Reallah.  

So am stuck with microshit that makes my notebook crash if I play a youtube clip more than ten minutes long, and doesn't let my game run much more than that either.  And this since the last Vista update, and have the sneaking suspicion it was in their so-called service pack, but I can't find the damned thing to eliminate it.  And run every thinkable programme to look for defects and viruses and malware you can think of, but nah, they say my notebook is 'healthy'.  Uh-huh.

Sometimes I wish I'd majored in computer programming.  And that people were a little more subtle about guilt-tripping people when they don't know what the background really is.  

Tis the season, so depressing, fa-la-la-la-la....

The only thing that was upbeat was Da ven's soap.  It got interesting and has two story lines going simultaneously that are half-way suspenseful.  And that's pitiful, if it is all that is good...   

Oh yes...  the Communist party missed beating the Christian Conservatives by 14 votes.  That is astounding, for sure.

(They finished counting the absentee ballots..  big difference, am gob-smacked.)